Ok, hear me out. Technically she can. A woman can raise her son up from being a child to an adult man. She can teach him things about being an adult and what her version of a man is. So, in that since, yes a woman can definitely raise a boy into a man. But as a woman, do we really know what it takes to be a MAN? What the essence of a man really is? As a woman,we really know what it takes to be a man? For me, the answer is NO. Being a man, especially a black man in 2019 is a challenge in itself. Men are faced with all kinds of trials and tribulations that a woman will never, ever understand. Their are things that children, especially boys, have to learn that can only come from a man. I, as a woman can teach my daughter to be a woman because I know how to be a woman. I understand through and through what it takes to be a woman physically, mentally, emotionally and otherwise. I understand the femininity being a woman. There are things that only I can can teach her about womanhood because I’m a woman. The same goes for men. There are things that only men understand that can be taught to a male child. The masculinity of men, his thought process, his entire being, can only be explained by him. A woman can only give some perspective which can sometimes be biased based on her personal interactions with men.
Men are vital pillars of the community. Every community. They are the foundations of all things strong and stable. They are the protectors, the stabilizers, the peace makers, the noise makers, the head and the tail. Men (in my opinion) can make or break the family unit. They are the strength and the weakness of a foundation. Men are one of the only beings on this Earth that can evoke such strong emotion from a woman whether it’s good or bad. Only men hold such power.
I say, let’s begin to appreciate the essence of what men bring to the world. To our surroundings. Not just your man, or your father, but men in general. Now, someone may be reading this and will say, ” where is he because I haven’t seen such a man”. Well sis, this isn’t for you then. But I’m almost positive we all know a man that we can appreciate whether in public or private because of their greatness. Tell a random man, Happy Fathers Day (if he’s indeed a father) or even if he acts in place of a father. (Many men do) Let’s give men the same energy they give us on Mother’s Day!! They deal with enough!!! At least we can let them know, that they are appreciated!!!
Sometimes, we need someone to tell us the truth and more often than not, we need it plain. Simply put. The truth is never easy to digest, but it’s always necessary. I’ve compiled a list of 10 simple truths that I live by to make my life as non-complicated as possible. I’m sure they will help you too!! XOXO
Well, technically, we have to get through June, then half of the year will be a thing of the past, but we get where I’m going with this. It seems like yesterday that we were wrapping Christmas presents, now we’re preparing for the kids to get out of school, going on summer vacations, planning BBQ’s and picnics, among many of the other wonderful summer activities that take place. But, let me ask you this. What have you done with the fist half of the year? How many of us pushed through those New Year resolutions that we made when the ball dropped? Did we save the money we said we’ll save? Drop that weight? Did we eat healthier? Did we drop the other dead weight in our life? Did we shun of the toxicity and negativity like we said we would?
It’s time to take an inventory of ourselves and lets start a new resolution for the second half of the year. Sis, we got this. Whatever you want to do, let’s get it done. Even if you must start with baby steps. At least make a plan. Today, get a pen and paper and write down your goals. Even if it’s as small as what you want to do tomorrow. Do this every single day. Seeing your goals will help with manifestation when you begin doing the work for them. It’s a constant reminder of what you’re working towards. Having a plan assists you with knowing where you’re spending your time. There is nothing worse than lost time. You can’t get back your time. Once it’s gone, it’s gone. There’s only 24 hours in a day, so we must make the most of that time.
You are great!! If no one has told you, I’m telling you!! You are a magnificent being!! Lets move into June with great confidence and motivation. Break your large goals into small ones so that you don’t feel so overwhelmed. Everything you want is already yours with faith. You must see yourself with whatever “it” is and begin to put in the work. Faith without works is dead.
Cheryl “Salt” James recently shared her sat down with The Jasmine Brand and shared about her divorce after 28 years of marriage. Here is a quote that stuck out to me.
“It was me trying to fill someone else’s void. And I didn’t realize that I was doing that. Sometimes we make ourselves small to fit in someone’s box and accommodate them. A lot of times we do that with men. And when I was coming out, it was a long process of me coming out of the dark part of being divorced.”
The reason this resonated so well with me is because I have been through this. More than once. I was this woman. Always willing to be accommodating to my man to help build him up even though I was feeling tore down. I was always willing to make sure that he had all of his needs, or what I thought were his needs, met, but never requesting any of this for myself. I played myself small. I did what he liked and strayed away from what he didn’t like for the sake of the keeping him happy and content. Many conversations weren’t had for the sake of the contentment and peace in the relationship. But I was not content. I was suffocating. I was pouring from an empty cup. (I have a post on this.) That monotony of the everyday processes of the relationship caused me to not realize what was happening. I was unhappy and didn’t realize it. I had gained a massive amount of weight, I just wasn’t caring for myself in the manner that I deserved. I lost myself for the sake of his happiness. My soul was weary and I just didn’t know it. It had been so long (12 years) that it all seemed absolutely normal. All I knew was to be there for him as much as possible despite working long hours every single day and care for and rear my children. No room for me. No one looking out for me.
12 years is a long time. Over a decade of life dedicated to another human being that did not come out of me. One would think, it’s been 12 years, you may as well stay and work on it. Are you really going to throw 12 years away? I really despise that mentality. So, do you stay in a place you don’t want to be because of time? Or do you take the learned lessons and move on? Salt walked away from a 28 year relationship because it didn’t serve her any longer. 28 years. Ladies, we must do away with the “may as well stay because it’s been X amount of years” mentality. I refused to stay for another 12 years simply because 12 years had passed. I cut my losses and I made a decision to spend the next 12 years and beyond being who I need to be for myself.
Moral of the story: Never, ever, play yourself small!! And remember, if the man in your life is the man for you, he won’t allow you to be small in the relationship. He will always boost you up and inspire you to be the greatest woman that you can be! And he will encourage you to be YOURSELF!
Here at “We As Women” I want to remind you that you are amazing just the way that you are. If you don’t believe it, I’m here to help move you into the right direction so that you get back to your happy place and never leave it behind again. I am here to serve as your sister and friend to be whatever resource that you need to be the best woman that you can be. This is a space where you can find all things positive to push you through whatever you’re dealing with. Being a woman that has been to what seems like hell and back, sister I understand and sometimes we as women simply need someone to lean on. A kind word, a positive affirmation, even a soothing tone can make or break our day sometimes. I want you to know that I have your back and together, we will get through whatever “this” is for you.
We must realize and accept who people are and what they’re capable of. If you want to deal with them, you have to meet them where they are. Maybe they’ll grow, maybe they won’t. But it’s YOUR decision to deal or not deal. But one thing you can’t do is change who they are. You can’t change their thought process, their personality, their character traits, nothing. We have to accept people they way they come to the table.
Sometimes we want to inject yourselves into peoples lives and help them, save them so to speak because we see something broken in them and we want to “put the broken glass back together.” Often times we want more for them than they’ll ever want for themselves. And that’s ok, but you must know when to cut your losses. We must realize when to give our time and resources and when we must pull back. It doesn’t make us selfish to pull back, it makes us aware that we’re draining ourselves into a situation that’s not reciprocating the energy. We have to live our life into its fullest potential and we cannot and will not achieve this by pouring into something with a closed lid. All we’re doing is wasting our energy and they aren’t receiving an ounce of it. Everyone doesn’t want to be fixed. Some people like to sit in their own mess.
It’s always our choice to place our-self in someone else’s presence. It’s always our decision to allow them into our presence. If at any moment the energy is bad, the conversation is off, the actions and words don’t match, it’s time for us to make a decision. No relationship is one sided. They cannot get what they need from us without us getting what we need from them too. This goes for friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, spouses, whatever the label is for you. If we’re not willing to meet them where they are, we must stop wasting our time and walk away.